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Introduction Text Urggh, I just posted a big update here and then changed my goals, personal info and a bunch of stuff on my spark page, but when it uploaded the new photo, it all vanished. sigh...I'm tired and still have to prep for the show tomorrow night so I'll have to redo this later. :( Anyway, enjoy the Dark Siren-- she's my latest new alter-personality-- sometimes it's hard to tell my job from child's dress up play. Oh yeah, life is sweet! :) July 2, 2010-- I can't believe in just a few days I'll have been a Sparker for 2 years! I'm trying to remember what life was like 2 years ago and honestly, it's so far behind me it's fuzzy like a dream I finally woke up from to a bright, sunny, new life. I'd already come a long way on my journey to health before discovering spark, but the food and exercise logging here, the community and all the wonderful motivational tools really did light a fire rocket under my butt-- I could not have predicted the speed and ease with which I'd reach, and surpass my dreams, from that day to this one. WOW. I'm learning the balance of maintenance which is always a challenge but a good one. I do weigh myself daily now, mostly because I'm so active I actually have to make sure I'm not losing anymore weight when I don't intend to. And I'm noticing changes in my body, I'm craving more carbs than normal, and sometimes I'll have a few days in a row where one food is mostly what my body wants-- the past 2 days that was vinegar & beets, a very unusual vegetable for me, but hey, this journey has taught me to trust my body, and it's signals, as the trusted ally it is. When I listen, it feels good, when it feels good it can do just about anything I desire-- and I rest when I need to now, something I NEVER felt good about before. Yup-- it's all about balance. Okay, I've sat still long enough-- need to get up and move around, cause that's my new body, it is much happier IN MOTION!!! :) And I do listen to my body! Yeehaw! April 2010- Time to learn a new set of skills-- how to MAINTAIN my goal weight and shift to staying active, healthy and here. :) It's a slightly daunting transition and so far, I'm stumbling my way through it, but not without a few scrapes and bruises. This is all new for me. I'm really good at the losing part and I admit, that's a bit frightening to give up. But I'm willing to learn and I accept that I'm going to teeter-totter between things for awhile, some days going to far into activity and some days erring too much on the side of resting. It's about balance-- and the concept of balance is a life skill I've only come to recognize as valuable in the past few years. So I'm pretty much a toddler in my attempts; as I would be with a toddler, I will be gentle with myself-- encouraging growth and understanding above 'getting it right all the time.' I'm certain with patience and self-nurturing, I"ll figure it all out just fine. And I"m certain that one day on this maintaining health journey I'll look back in awe and amazement at the fact that somewhere along the way the transition came, the new skills became habits and the hope became reality somewhere 'back there' on the road. Just like I noticed with all the other transitions in getting healthy, losing the weight and getting fit and active again. March 2010- I was thinking today about how much my eating habits have changed during this journey and how ingrained a lot of healthy choices are in my life, I don't really think about them. I have to think about the bad foods, the junk foods and consider if I want them enough to warrant the hang-over effect they often leave. And I wondered why so many people don't go through this change..then I realized, when you have 150+ pounds to lose over the course of almost 2 years, you don't achieve it without significant changes to lifestyle habits. Also important, you have a loooong time in which to establish those habits precisely because you have so much weight to lose. Soo, how do we teach this kind of lifestyle change to the average person who only has 20, 30 or maybe 40 lbs to lose? Cause that's the secret to doing this and enjoying it, it becomes who you are and you feel so strong and alive and good that you like it. I know I do. Though I must admit, having to sit still for more than a few minutes, like when we're doing a dry read through of a script around a table taking notes, is a lot harder for me now. Urgh...how do people sit still doing nothing for sooo long? My body likes to move now, being inactive when I'm not resting, and going on a junk food binge are now the nearly impossible choices...who'd have thunk that a couple years ago? Not me! Feb 2010 and I'm pretty much at goal weight. Well, last I checked I was about 5lbs over, but that was over a month ago. I don't have a scale at home (part of the huge success was getting over my obsession with a scale and only getting on one in a controlled environment) so last time I weighed in was a Doctor's appt. in December. But I've decided to stay put awhile. I don't know exactly where I am, I may very well have lost that 5 lbs cause after 140lbs, would I even notice 5 teeny weeny little more pounds at this point? Nah. :) But I would like my skin and my body to catch up. I'm taking the advice of other Sparkers and doing some strength and toning exercises and a lot of good moisturizing on those places that are a wee bit loose. I know it can take up to 2 years, so guess we start that process now. I officially changed my target weight on Spark today, to match where I was the last time I weighed in, just to get an idea what things will look like on my food journal. Whooa! Those numbers spiked! I don't know if I can honestly eat 2100-2400 calories a day...even on days like today when I hike off 1000. I mean 2200 calories was the highest I've gotten to on the first day of my period, when I was stress eating and went to a pizza party. I typically do eat several hundred calories more during my period, I noticed that trend over a year of food journals, and successfully lost a lot of weight in spite of it, but that might be ONE DAY A MONTH. To go from focusing on tops 1760 calories a day -- when still officially trying to lose-- to a minimum of 2100 calories in maitenence...that seems pretty scary. But here I am. I've been in tougher places. So...let's go spark...help me learn how to STAY AT GOAL. Woo whoo! July 1st, 2009.Major Spark page revisions in progress! I revamped this page a few days ago and at the exact moment I hit, "save your changes" my browser crashed so now I'll begin again. I joined and became involved with Spark People on July 5th 2008. I can't believe a whole year has gone by. It's been one of so much learning and growing --internal growth, mind you ;) --that I can hardly believe how the time has flown. Since then I've seen many things come and go. What went, obviously was over 100 lbs of fat, a lot of aches and pains in my joints, and the girl who was always the slowest one walking when with a group of friends. Also gone, with a lot of internal work in this process, are a lot of insecurities, fears and self destructive tendencies. Self-hate has pretty much flown the coup and good riddance. What has come is increased stamina, a rediscovery of love and joy in kinesthetic pleasures, and a vitality to my voice in singing from the strength and support of a much stronger core and in all the muscles that contribute to breath support. My body is my instrument, literally, and I'm falling madly in love with all the wonderful new horizons it can reach. I knew I needed to make peace with my body, to stop feeling it was a limitation and an enemy. What I didn't know was how fundamental those deep beliefs were in my continued misuse of my body, nor how much easier this whole journey would get when I just started loving myself, my body and showing the compassion and patience to myself that I routinely gave to others. Which leads to other things I've gained; personal empowerment in knowing I can overcome any obstacle or difficulty through determination and planning. Along with the weight, I shed the fears of being assertive, setting and defending boundaries in my relationships (and with myself) and the erroneous idea that large dreams are achieved in one long sprint toward the finish line. They aren't. Big dreams are achieved with long term planning and small, daily steps and actions. Big dreams are also rarely achieved in isolation. Isolation is inhibitor to dreaming and achieving big. Instead, big dreams flourish with teamwork and a strong support system of people like Spark. The grunt work may be mine alone to do, but I need never be alone on this journey. I didn't know this before. I thought I had to struggle and fight it out alone. Now I know better. OTHER TIDBITS ABOUT ME: I'm nocturnal. I'm a musician, talented and turning pro. I'm a performer to my very soul. Communication is the common denominator in most of my artistic explorations. I'm a writer and have a fetish for new words. I'm an information and knowledge addict but with a Renaissance proclivity of breadth verses depth. I have strange avocations, some wildly intellectual and obscure, others simply adrenaline boosters. I would spend 87.3% of my days on the road, were it possible. I'm an ENFP, an HSP and a HSS --ask me if you're wondering what the *heck* I just said. I like the idea of "home" but haven't really found one yet, except perhaps in a few beloved kindred. I'm a novelty 'junkie'...though my friends use a slightly less polite phrase. It is more my nature to tackle things, slay dragons and push harder when the going gets tough. I am learning, slowly, how to relax, spend a day doing 'nothing much' and letting go in my music and just having fun. I love being outdoors and dream of going through a survival training program with only my wits to keep me alive. However, I have few friends who share the passion, so that's an area I hope to expand my horizons. I'm equally at home in a 4 star restaurant as I am roughing it in the backwoods of Algonquin Provincial Forest living on freeze-dried rations and bark. I'm a late night radio Jazz DJ on 90.1 FM and www.jazz901.org. What else can I add? Oh, books! I Love books! I adore cooking and creating in the kitchen. I vacillate between obsessively organized and artistically chaotic and cluttered. I try to be pet-free but animals just keep showing up and bringing friends. I'd prefer to live a minimalist home with big, open spaces and clutter free but content in leaving as something to strive for not stress over. I'm a recovering perfectionist. ******The next part of this profile is what I originally wrote waaaay back in July 2008 when I first joined with some updates added along the way. I think I will eventually cut this and put it in my blog, because it's important to review, but for now just leaving here for those of you just meeting me. ******** Hello! I'm quite nervous to be putting these numbers 'out there'. Feels so exposed. :) Maybe I won't add them just yet. **January 2009: Oh heck, so what. It's a number, not a disease. Nothing to be ashamed of. Last February I first weighed in on the scale in my Nutritionist's office at just over 324 pounds. After lots of journals, discussions, reading and deep soul searching, I found and started addressing my own needs I'd been ignoring. In doing so, I also have been losing weight and getting healthier. My original goal was 130 lbs by Dec 2009. So far, so good.:)** I'm overweight and I want to change that. Ideally, I want to lose about 130 pounds. But skinny isn't what my goal is about, been there, done that, was terribly unhealthy about it. Healthy and self-love are my goals. I am kinesthetic; I like how my body feels when it moves. Injury recovery has taken its toll, but it's time to take my life back. I have A LOT of weight to lose and a slow, long road to get there. And I don't care about how my body looks when it gets to healthy, or what size jeans I'll be wearing...I care how it will feel when I go salsa dancing all night long!!! I'm serious about getting healthy again, I miss my active lifestyle. I want the "me" back who could jump on a rafting trip, a salsa class or go just be crazy and go parachuting on a whim. Heck, I just miss roller coasters and carnivals. And since community support is a big key in achieving long term, life changing goals, then I'll give this a try. **January 2009: Boy, was joining this community a GOOD idea. I've since read, here on Spark of course, that one of the 5 secrets of the Top 5% (those who lose the most AND keep it off for 5 years) is being in a support group. And there are some wonderful, highly supportive people here. I owe a lot to them, to you:) Thank you.** UPDATE JUNE 29, 2009: Another 5.5 pounds gone according to the Doctors scale today. I�m almost � of the way toward my goal which I�m scheduled to achieve on Dec 15, 2009. Today is also the day I will allow myself the release the fear and go to Stage 4 of the Spark Plan. See my blog for more details. UPDATE March 25, 2009: Had a Dr. visit today and since I haven't weighed in on a medical, digital scale since Jan. they wanted me to. I wasn't expecting much. Surprise, surprise, 233.2 lbs, which means I've lost 21 pounds since my last weigh in on Jan. 7th with my Nutritionist, Joy. WOW! I have my 3 month checkup with her on April 7th, so I wonder how her medical scale and this one will compare? I find it really incredible that I've lost about 2 pounds a week during this tough couple months, but hey, I ain't complaining! Update March 20 2009: It was a rough couple of months abounding with struggles but I feel the clouds lifting and I'm getting back to a good place. I floundered awhile on my weight loss goals, creating and trying several new motivational tools but leaving many of them by the wayside; they were more important for giving me a sense I was doing something and working to regain control of my life than anything else. Now I'm starting to regain my traction and seeing some inches go by the wayside, so life is good and getting better. I love spark, checking in and keeping up helped keep me from losing my way completely. UPDATE January 7, 2009: I've now lost a whopping 70 pounds! I'm down to a size 18/20 in pants, though some straight cuts still are a 22, but I could no longer keep belting on my old pairs and anything with elastic just falls down! Weee. I'm more than 1/2 way to my goal of 130 by Dec 20 of this year! Thank you Spark and everyone who's been supporting me! I love you all:) So if you're new here, please stay! Food journaling, tracking your exercise, fine tuning your goals, reading articles for inspiration and learning and, of course, giving and receiving support in this great community REALLY DOES WORK!!! UPDATE: November 2008: I've been on Spark since July 4, 2008 and as of today, I've lost over 55 pounds since I started seeing a nutritionist in Feb 2008, but amazingly, over 30 of those pounds were in large part because of SPARK! Also, since I've started keeping measurements in July, over several areas including waist, hips, thigh, calf and upper arms, I've lost a whopping total of almost 19 INCHES off my body! (that's just couting one arm/leg..not sure if it's fair to double the inches lost for appendages??) If I did, then I'd have lost over 28 inches. Thank you Spark! UPDATE October 22, 2008: Weigh in Day I mentioned above...lost another 14.8 lbs in last 8 weeks. Total lost since Feb 08 48.8 pounds. Amount of that since joining Spark in July= 30.8 lbs. A bit ahead of goals. More info on today's blog entry! UPDATE AUG 30th, 2008: As of a few days ago, I saw my nutritionist and had my weigh-in. Since my last meeting with her on July 2nd--I rediscovered Spark on July 5th--I've lost 16 lbs. Since I began seeing her back in April, though at first we specifically didn't focus on losing weight, I've now lost a total of about 30-35 lbs, but this time I've been on Spark has been the largest drop between visits. I'll see her, and get weighed again, in another 8 weeks, so I'm excited and very much loving the Spark!! I'd love to meet people local to Rochester and Wester NY who are in a similar boat. Meaning, you love being very active and want to get back to it, but for whatever reason (weight, injury, etc) you need to do it much slower. I need to find ways to adapt my physical activities to the weight and body I currently have, which I'm discovering is substantially less than I imagine it can. And no where near what I remember being able to do. Jan 09: Still looking for locals to get active with! I've found a couple places to rent snow shoes (great fun and SOO easy) and cross country skis. Email me and let's plan an outing!



Food Log EVERYTHING. Thanks to a stolen car-- Living as Car-FREE as possible. Hiking, Biking being primary with public transit & a new Car-share program I just discovered and joined today (Apr 27, 2010) Allow me to use my OWN energy to get most places-- so I'm LEANER & GREENER! :) And saving $$ too! Woo whoo...I love the new me that seeks out and explores alternate options! Eat 4-5 mini meals of about 350 calories each & a small snack or two each day. Continue to focus on proper portion, weighing food & being conscious of what I eat before I eat it. Meditate--getting healthier inside and out. Continue and increase my physical activity. Continue to stretch myself to new challenges, find fun, new activities and listen to my body. Working toward returning to dance classes in jazz/modern or other style I enjoy.





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