Are Your Fears and Self-Criticisms Holding You Back?

By , SparkPeople Blogger
Every month The Go Get It Guide is your destination for motivation, musings on random goals and probably pop culture references. It's a space where we'll sort through the PR pitches and news, then share our honest thoughts on what's happening in the health and fitness world, what's on the horizon and just what we think of that video the internet obsessed over last week. Check in each month to Spark, Sweat, Smile, Savor and Shop with us!

Spark: Little Ears are Listening


From a young age, it's an uncontested truth that mother knows best. While we don't do it often enough, every Mother's Day is a chance to reflect on all the ways the women who raised us regularly resembled superheroes in disguise. Whether it's them flying in out of nowhere to help you find that shirt that you swore was in your bottom drawer but is now lost and you absolutely must wear today; calming you down when you take the curlers out of your hair an hour before prom only to realize that there's a good chance your date might mistake you for a poodle; or talking you off the ledge the first year you do your taxes on your own, moms have this omniscient extrasensory perception that seems to give them advanced degrees in almost anything at a moment's notice.

As with any great power, this indubitable wisdom also comes with great responsibility. For moms who are struggling with their body image or weight, it's the offhand remarks that make just as permanent a mark as the intentional advice. "Well that cookie is going straight to my thighs." "I could never wear a shirt like that with these belly rolls." "I just wish I could lose my arm jiggle." "I love pasta but I always feel so guilty! Looks like I'll be skipping dinner tonight." Children especially are at risk of latching on to these self-deprecating sighs mumbled under your breath. Take this video featuring young girls repeating phrases they've heard their mother's say, for instance, and consider all the times you've verbalized a frustration with your own body.   



In the moment, it feels like we're just venting, joking even, but when little ears are listening—little ears that are regularly learning and developing based on your words—those personal frustrations become something much more powerful and potentially harmful. After all, children, especially little girls, look up to their mothers, aspire to be more like them and learn from their behaviors. After hearing negative self-talk about their mother's body, the foods she eats or the exercise she may or may not be making time for, it's possible for a daughter to question her own choices and body image over time. By commenting negatively or bringing attention to self-perceived flaws and shortcomings, we teach our children that one particular standard of beauty (be it thin thighs, muscular arms or your personal benchmark for body success) is desirable and that self-worth suffers until that standard is achieved.

When on the path to weight loss, of course, there are times when you will feel down and critical of your body, and that's okay. It's a tough path that you're on and off days are bound to happen. The important thing here is to balance that negative self-talk with positivity. Take care to turn the volume up to 11 as you celebrate the successes, the improvements and the strengths along the way. Practice swapping a complaint about how you'll have to "work that dinner off at the gym" with a conversation about how you can't wait to hit your yoga class tomorrow morning to see if you can finally nail that eagle pose you've been practicing. Take the time to explain to your child, niece, grandchild the "why" behind your weight-loss journey so they understand that every body is different and health is of the utmost concern. Celebrate the body you have in the meantime by cutting yourself some slack and enjoying a cupcake on the porch without guilt or skipping your workout for a day at the pool when that spring weather is calling to you.

As with your diet and exercise, balance is key in how we talk to ourselves. When we practice gratitude in accepting our bodies as they are now and display a degree of enjoyment in the process of getting healthy—yes, even after a particularly sweaty spin class—impressionable minds take note. This month, focus on fostering your own self-worth by seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. To them, you're already beautiful and it's about time you started treating yourself that way, too.

Smile: Come on, Get Happy (for You)


A common fear mentioned by SparkPeople members hesitating to take that first step toward happy, healthy living is that of being judged, whether it's in the gym, running outside or just walking down the street. Oftentimes this fear is born from self-doubt or a diminished self-worth tied to a weight of which they are no longer in control. Perhaps they had an unfortunate experience while exercising in the past or have been overweight so long that it's difficult to imagine pursuing a fitness goal without drawing attention to themselves. To those with fears, I direct your attention to the following, one of our top Instagram posts from last month:

 

A post shared by SparkPeople (@sparkpeople) on


For anyone who's ever felt less than or judged in a place that is filled with people trying to improve their lives, I offer you this piece of universal truth: Everyone, even the thinnest, fittest, most confident person you see, has their own doubts. Why do we let prying eyes or imagined judgments get in the way of our ultimate pursuit of happiness? Trust me when I tell you that I've almost tripped over my feet trying to catch a glance at my running form in the mirror to confirm that, yes, it really is as awkward and clumsy as it feels. I've worked out at our office gym one day feeling like my bicep curls were on point, only to hit the gym the next and feel like everyone's eyes were burning a hole in the back of my skull as I struggled through a set of burpees. And who's to say they're judging you? More often than not, I'm thinking to myself "I love to see people out and about on such a nice day," or "Ugh, I should be out there running, too" or "Cute top! I wonder where she got it," if you catch me glancing your way.

The fact is, most people at the gym or those that you encounter walking through your neighborhood are too preoccupied with their own agenda to pay attention to what you're doing. Unless you're shooting off Roman candles as you jog down the street or shouting "No, Kelly Clarkson!" as you complete your last deadlift, chances are you're not going to draw attention to yourself by simply bettering yourself.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for our own happiness, not those people you think could possibly, maybe be looking in from the outside. Letting their imaginary verdicts pollute our heads keeps us from fully realizing our potential in the pursuit of healthy living goals. The next time you notice someone looking your direction, address it with a smile or imagine them being jealous of your form, attitude or perseverance, rather than some mean-spirited judgement. Remember this: No matter where you are in your weight-loss journey, you are an inspiration just for getting out there and going for it, and that's the happiest, greatest realization in the world.

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Comments

Thank you! Report
I was judged from my youth--criticized for being overweight-laughed at by my own mother and Grand Father--- This article is interesting! Report
AZMOMXTWO
I like others feel that we weather on purpose or not do this because this is what is expected and I know that it was done to me I will never be the "right "size or look good enough Report
Wow! This is a real eye opener! Report
I believe unintentional we do teach our children to have poor body image. Report
I see this at the pool every day. Little girls - 5 or 6 - that won't change in the change room because they are too fat! And they are not. Crazy. Report
Say one good thing about yourself and your body every day. You'll come to believe it. Report
DMEYER4
great article Report
Words hurt too, some words feel like abuse and sometimes those people make you doubt yourself. Report
This is SO true! My sister & I were struggling with our weight long before I found SP and were talking about it one day. A few days later, she was dressing her 4 year old who told her she didn't want to wear the chosen outfit because it made her fat tummy stick out. Out of the mouths of babes....we stopped talking about it in front of the kids then and there. Report
Words matter especially when children are involved Report
Well said! Report
Thank you Report
BRIARGAL
Really good points. Thanks! Report
Great info!! Report
Thanks for a helpful article! Report
THANK YOU Report
SUNSET09
Happiness comes from within and we can do something about it, SparkFriends! Oh, yeah! We can do it! Report
Well said! My mom was obese, as were all the women in her family. Mom was wt obsessed, I became so. After 57 yrs, I'm getting mentally fit! Report
Beautiful post!!! Loved it!!! Report
PATRICIAANN46
Thank You for a wonderful article.............. Report
DMEYER4
awesome article Report
AMYROSEC
Thank you Report
NASFKAB
great post thanks for sharing Report